As the year quickly draws to an end, it’s only natural to look back and reflect on what went right, what went wrong, and what would we like to see come out of the new year.
As I was reflecting on these topics over my cup-o-joe this morning, I thought back to a conversation I had with a psychic friend of mine about 12 years ago. He told me that my life would be a series of ups and downs, but by the time I reached 43 years old that I would finally have settled into what it was I was meant to do with my life, that I’d be extremely successful and happy.
Those words helped carry me through some pretty dark times over the last 12 years. I would think to myself, “though I may be suffering now, there are much better times to come.”
As these last three years have been passing, I’ve watched my life pass, detached as though watching myself from outside my own body. Each year worse and worse. Each time thinking, “Damn, things can’t get any worse than they already are,” only to find that things kept getting worse.
Three years ago I was in a loving, long-term relationship and doing pretty darn well in all aspects of my life; owning a couple of nice cars, a farm with 2 houses and running four businesses in Costa Rica to living alone and in severe poverty. By severe poverty I mean not having any money to buy food, pay rent or utility bills, etc.
The obvious questions I’ve been constantly asking myself are, “Why did this happen to me?” and “Is there a way out of this mess?” While studying for my masters degree in Spiritual Psychology I learned that the “why” doesn’t matter. It’s all about how we treat ourselves and others as we’re going through painful and tough times. But let me tell ya, it ain’t easy!
So this morning I found myself getting a little angry at my friend who told me that by now I would be on the right path, successful and happy. But as I reflected deeper on the subject I had an “Ah ha!” moment. What is the definition of happy and successful?
I realized that instead of having tons of employees and headaches and stress and a workload with no end, that I am living a stress-free life now. I’m connecting with the people around me on a much deeper level. I’m experiencing the generosity of others instead of feeling I need to be the one “taking care” of other people.
Instead of running around stressed out all the time I’m actually enjoying being “in the moment.” I laugh a lot. And when I cry, it’s not because of what I don’t have or what I lost. When I cry it’s because I’m overwhelmed with the beauty of the people and the world around me.
So perhaps I don’t need to feel disappointed because the destiny I was waiting for didn’t come to fruition. Instead I’m going to embrace the gifts that life has brought me and do my best to be kind to myself and others.